Love Even When It Hurts?

Love is one of the most difficult subjects to tackle and I think it is particularly hard for the Jesus follower. Our perception of love is sometimes quite different from what we are told love is. Movies and popular fiction lead us to believe that love is a two-way street. Well, if you read your Bible or have listened to any sermon on love, then you know that love is not always a two-way street. And when it is not, we are called to still keep loving. How absurd is that?

There is this particular woman I have been trying to reach out to for the past four months. I am just about ready to give up. She has rigidly refused to meet me half way. What is worse, she does not really have any friends. I guess she is content the way she is. It is just that each time I am about to throw the trowel, I feel this urge in me to not give up. The recent urge came from my mom. Loving someone who does not want to be loved is a challenge.

I belong to a group of women on facebook called Being Mrs V. We have been treating the Love Dares for some time now. After a break, the lady handling the Dares came up with this:

“…truly loving each other means that we ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS do what’s best for the beloved, deserved or not, easy or not, comfortable or not. We dont do it based on what they do in return. Not at all. We do it because living out God’s kind of love won’t allow anything else.”

(You will have to read the rest here)

That is the absolute truth and a bitter pill to swallow. How is it possible to keep loving even when the object of our love so obviously does NOT deserve that love? Funny, when it is in relation to a partner or a friend or even family, it becomes a riddle of epic proportions. However when it is the love a mother has for her child, the answer seems too obvious does it not?

No matter what a child does, or how undeserving of her love a child is, the mother will always love that child. Now I am aware that not every mother loves her child and not everyone had a mother to love him/her. But let us generalise a bit.

When we hear that someone was really horrible to his mom, we do not automatically think right! Now she is going to stop loving him! In fact, when we hear of a sacrificial love from a mother to a child, we are touched sure. But it does not take us by surprise.

This is the kind of love Jesus had for us. We, who were the most undeserving of the undeserving. He went all the way and even gave up his life for people who did not care. It was a thankless action. And that is the kind of love he expects from all those who follow him and seek to model their lives after him.

I really want to please him with all my heart but sometimes I think he asks for too much. How am I supposed to keep showing love to my husband if he quits doing the same? If he begins to treat me in an unloved manner, am I still supposed to shower him with love? I guess the answer is a resounding YES. I have to keep loving him whether he deserves it or not and whether I feel like it or not. Same goes for other people.

So back to this woman…I am trying to show my love by reaching out. She does not really deserve my love; matter of fact she has rejected it. But I’ll try some more. I am not promising that I will keep trying indefinitely. I do have my limits, despite what it says in 1 Corinthians 13: 7 (Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance).

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10 Comments to “Love Even When It Hurts?”

  1. YOu said, ” That is the absolute truth and a bitter pill to swallow. How is it possible to keep loving even when the object of our love so obviously does NOT deserve that love? Funny, when it is in relation to a partner or a friend or even family, it becomes a riddle of epic proportions…” boy is does that capture where I’m @ right now….and the bitter pill is stuck in my throat metaphorically speaking.and the relationship is my relationship with one of my daughters AND her boyfriend…not one but two dry horse sized pills- clearly lodged cross-wise in my throat…help me friend. cause I can’t do it.

    • Hi friend, I sort of guessed as much when I read your facebook status update that time. It is sad. Thing is, I have come to know you a little bit since we started this blogging relationship and I know that you love them. Problem is how to express that love without hurting yourself in the process. That, you do not have the power to do. But God’s Holy Spirit will show you what to do and how to do it.

      Is cutting off right now (or whatever action you are taking), the best thing for your little girl? If you sincerely think it is, that’s fine. If you honestly think it is not the best thing for her, that’s also fine. You are a child of God and I am confident He’ll show you what to do and give you the grace to do it.

      I love you my friend and I am praying.

  2. Sharon,
    Thank you for your kind words and praying . I appreciate your affirmation(s), and that in itself gives me some hope that God is still involved even though I am stuck/clueless/ angry/vexed/confused (I suppose that the is same as clueless?) 🙂 If I just knew the right thing to do, then I would do it, but that’s the quandry, one minute I honestly believe I need to do _________ and then a couple of days later, I am second guessing myself when I look @ everything from a different vantage point. It’s one thing if she is just being rebellions, then I know what to do..but after 27 yrs, of being under our tutelage and to think she’s not spiritually born again..well, while I guess I can believe it, she’s made enough noises over the years in unpressured conversations to lead me to believe she has in fact been spiiritually awakened..that puts an entirely different perspective on my response….and I hate playing “let’s pretend everything is good”…life is too short to have the significant relationships in my life based on pretext…I refuse to do it. appreciate your listening ear! DM

    • I do not know the right thing to do. However, I know that giving up on your daughter cannot be the right thing to do. And is that not what you are doing? From one friend to another??

    • DM, I hope I’m not being presumptuous… but… love does not live in pretext. You are right. Love speaks truth and it looks to the best interest of it’s object… BUT it also does not withhold itself – because it understands that no matter what the object of it’s affection has done to damage or breech the relationship, they are hurting/vexed/tired/frustrated/confused/frightened/unsure/etc…. Rebellion is never just about refusal to honor. It is always rooted in something deeper. As a daughter with a father who also hates her man, if I could tell my dad any one thing I hope would stick, it woudl be this: TRUST GOD with your girl. You have done your part in rasing her and at some point the road she walks, however painful it may be, HAS TO BE between her and her God. Pray, ask others to pray, fast if you must. But dont give up on her and dont judge them based only on what you see. Know that God is sovereign and whatever road He allows her/them to travel, ultimately He has the final say. If all u can say is ‘honey I love you’ say that and let that be enough. Sometimes love is silent, because that is where the greatest wisdom lies.

      I will so be praying for you and your kiddo.
      Ro

      • Rosheeda,
        Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I don’t take it for granted you would do both. The past few weeks I have had a sense of anticipation and resting in the Lord with all of the kids. nothing has changed circumstancially, but in my heart I am no longer vexed.

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