It is not uncommon to hear that someone you know wemt off to “find herself”. I have not had that experience myself, but I am constantly wondering if I am (and how to become) the person I was originally meant to be.
I believe that everyone was created with a purpose and for that reason, we all have some attributes and characteristics that are uniquely ours. You are you and that is all there is to it.
However, life in the form of our areas of socialization – family, schools and people around – happen. Then we add movies, books, pop culture and what everyone else says we are supposed to be and then that which is particular to us begins to erode until we are left with part of who people say we should be, part of who we want to be and another part of who we think we are with nothing of who we were originally intended to be.
This has been a recurring issue for me. I would hate to go through life and discover that I only lived a half life; nothing like the full and robust life I was supposed to live, because I never cared enough to find out who the true me was.
With that in mind, I keep paring down and questioning myself. That idea I expressed, was it mine of was I just miming what had been put in my head? The feelings right now, are they genuine, a true reflection of what is going on inside me? Or am I just feeling that way because I have been taught that is how I am supposed to feel in such a circumstance? These and many more such questions run through my head.
I want to be as true to me as I can be; honest in my thoughts and emotions. Especially in my emotions. That is one place where we all find it so hard to be honest. Let me explain. When your friend yells at you in public, you get offended. Are you offended because you truly felt mortified or is it because, even though you know and understand this friend and are aware that he/she meant nothing by the yell, you still feel that the right emotion at that point in time is anger?
In searching for the me I was meant to be, I am allowed to make mistakes. That way, I get to discover the me I was definitely not meant to be. In knowing who I really am a little bit better, I learn to love that lady a little more. Until you begin to know who you were meant to be, to get acquainted with the person that lives inside you, you will not begin to see in yourself that wonderful person God sees. And until you can look at yourself with those eyes, you will never be satisfied with what you see in the mirror.
We are all wonderfully and fearfully made. God thought everything He created was good and you are not exempt. Yet we continue to live with that sense of dissatisfaction with who we are and continually compare ourselves with others who may or may not be satisfied with who they are. You cannot be Beyonce – there is only one Beyonce. Neither can you be Simon Cowell 😐 you can only be the person that you are and love that person (stretch marks and all).
That has been my desire; to love the person that I am. And with each day that passes, I am learning to love that lady in the mirror a little more. This was reinforced as I browsed through Oprah.com and stumbled on this lovely article by Anne Lamott. In learning to know and love yourself, she said:
There’s always something ending and something beginning. Yet in the very center is the truth of your spiritual identity: is you.Fabulous, hilarious, darling, screwed-up you. Beloved of God and of your truest deepest self, the self that is revealed when tears wash off the makeup and grime. The self that is revealed when dealing with your anger blows through all the calcification in your soul’s pipes. The self that is reflected in the love of your very best friends’ eyes.
I am an Oprah fan (somewhat), that is, I watch her when I can but it is not a do or die affair. I have been to her site maybe once or twice but I can assure you, after reading this article, I will be a more regular visitor at that site. To read the full article, click on this link How To Find Out Who You Really Are by Anne Lamott – Oprah.com.
Whatever you do, strive as much as possible to be authentic to the person you were created to be.