Either in workshops or when couples come to me for help, I coach them on various levels uniquely to their needs. Invariably the question comes up from the husband, “How do I relax my wife to the point where she will want to completely melt into bliss?”
My advice is always, take your time and thoroughly get to know each other and especially yourself. Women, but also men, tend to disconnect with their bodies in the daily humdrum of a hectic busy life. Lovemaking is usually rushed. Both kinda get a little of what they want … he gets a release, she experiences some cuddles for the romantic closeness she craves, and that’s it … till next time. Usually someone misses out and thinks ‘what’s the point of it all?!’ … well, that tends to be the woman….
Now, I fully realise that there are millions of highly satisfied wives out there, who could not be happier in their lovemaking with their hubbies!
Not all happily married couples need help and advice to get things out of a rut between the sheets; some just want to take things to higher levels of bliss in their lovemaking, and it’s those who come to me to seek advice.
There is so much I could share here out of years of working with couples and individuals which I will reserve for the book I am writing.
So, here on this blog, I will feature some little snippets and taster ideas and tips. More blog posts to come with that theme.
Let me start off with a massage. Most people like massages and it’s such a wonderful way to relax and connect with the body.
People tend to forget about their bodies, they become like vehicles that get them from A to B during the day. It gets cleaned up, fed, dressed, maybe it gets the benefit of physical exercises, but that’s more or less it. Then when it comes to lovemaking it’s just a quick genital action.
There is so much more that could be enjoyed. God created us with thousands of nerve endings that register pleasure, not just pain. The pain bit, unfortunately, we are all too familiar with, but the pleasure all over the body is seldom explored.
A warning to husbands, when you think you understand your wife’s body and what feels good to her, and you think you know that you know what ‘buttons to press’, you may find that she gets irritated and you’re thinking, ‘I can never please that woman’.
The beauty of a truly feminine woman is that each time you go on a new adventure with her. Different times of the day, or month she will feel differently. The more you explore and deeply enter into a discovery trail with her, the more it will enrich your life.
In fact the longer you’re married the more exciting, passionate and fulfilling it gets …. provided you know what to do, have the right attitude and love her the way she personally and very uniquely needs and desires to be loved. Yep, genuine love is the key ingredient here, else it all becomes just empty, meaningless techniques, and futile skills mastery, especially in the long run.
Let’s talk about this delicious massage.
It always helps to have a nice ambiance, e.g. music, candles, etc.
Now, I suggest you do that massage in three stages: 1st dry, 2nd feather, and 3rd oil.
The dry massage is very gentle, almost hovering with your hands without tickling, plus add some gentle tapping with your fingers (think rain drops all over her body playing a delicate and yet passionate piano overture). That prepares the nerve cells in the skin for the feather massage.
Without stage one, the dry massage, the feather would tickle badly and irritate, however if you’ve gently prepared the skin nerve cells, the feather will feel exquisite. (if it tickles, you did not prepare that area well enough). You can extend the feather massage by using some gently perfumed body talc.
Here is a picture of the feather fan I use to teach couples this section.
Don’t rush things. Take your time to explore with different sensations. Then move onto the essential oil massage.
In all that you do, explore and get to know her body … well, she might not even know her body that well herself, so let her tell you, either by verbally saying yes or no, by her almost imperceptibly withdraw away from your hand or press into your hand, or by her gentle moans of pleasure.
If you like, you can request that lovely treatment from her to you.
© Copyright Angelika Regina Heimann – inStrengths Ministries – The Journey Of Intimacy 2009. All Rights Reserved
The Journey Of Intimacy – Angelika Regina Heimann BSc( Hons), MSc BPsych, is a NLP Practitioner, Business Psychologist and Psychosexual Educator, based on Positive Psychology, Mind Technologies and Christ-Centred Spirituality – an Invitation to Hope, Healing, Growth, Joy and Bliss.
Rev. Heimann combines Christ-Centred Spirituality with Positive Psychology to assist couples or individuals seeking her advice to discover their unique personal inner strengths, build their faith, wellness, well-being, and happiness: mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually, to facilitate growth, and learn skills to build positive emotions, optimism and resilience while decreasing unhelpful thinking, behaviours and emotions.
To read more articles and personal diary posts go to The Journey Of Intimacy Blog