This is the second in the Marital Bliss Series. It is also a repost (Read the original posts and comments here). Marital Bliss posts consist of questions which bothered me as a soon-to-be-married woman and now, as a newlywed. Please feel free to post comments as I’m looking for wisdom, afterall:
Also, if you have questions you want to ask, leave them in the comments section, who knows they may feature in the next Marital Bliss post.
Who Do You Talk To About Your Spouse?
Finding a trustworthy friend to talk to when you are married (or in a long-term relationship) can be tough stuff and sometimes, you end up getting bitten. HARD.
I learnt from watching the married folks around me that marriage, while being one of the most fulfilling and filling experiences in a lifetime, could also be one of the most lonely states a human being may pass through.
Yous spouse is supposed to be your best friend (my fiance is), the person you share your thoughts with, tell your fears to and even fight with occasionally (or not), knowing that this person accepts you the way you are, no matter what. But then, there are times when you need someone else to share your troubles with, especially when those troubles have to do with you and Dear Spouse. Someone you can rant and rave to because you know or trust that person would remain objective and point out where you are getting it wrong [I cant stand when ANYONE criticizes my man – even if they are right!]
In the US and other western countries, there are professional counsellors for this sort of thing. I mean, in South Africa they have them! If there are any in Nigeria, I am yet to hear of them.
Nigerians are a rather pragmatic lot. In situations like these, we go to the family elders. We hesitate to do this because once it’s brought to the notice of the family elders it becomes serious business. Besides, since the elders are mostly male – ladies, you fill in the blank!
Another option is usually embodied in the phrase Go to your Pastor.This has a 50/50 chance. 50% says he’ll spout spiritual cliches, pat you on the back and send you forth with a solemn sounding “It is well.” The other 50% says he will actually give you useful and practical advice. 99% – he is most likely going to give whatever he gives from a male perspective (hooray for the guys!). [I use ‘he’ because female Pastors are still just a handful in Nigeria]
That leaves the friends (who may or may not be your friends), siblings and other family members. Not Good. They will either take your side and completely vilify your poor spouse or if they like him (or her), they’ll take his side completely and tell you how if you do not get your act together you will lose him to all the Husband-Snatchers prowling out there. sigh
Who Do You Talk to About Your Spouse?