Marital Bliss #2 – The Confidant

This is the second in the Marital Bliss Series. It is also a repost (Read the original posts and comments here). Marital Bliss posts consist of questions which bothered me as a soon-to-be-married woman and now, as a newlywed. Please feel free to post comments as I’m looking for wisdom, afterall:

14Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14, King James Version)

Also, if you have questions you want to ask, leave them in the comments section, who knows they may feature in the next Marital Bliss post.

Who Do You Talk To About Your Spouse?

Finding a trustworthy friend to talk to when you are married (or in a long-term relationship) can be tough stuff and sometimes, you end up getting bitten. HARD.

I learnt from watching the married folks around me that marriage, while being one of the most fulfilling and filling experiences in a lifetime, could also be one of the most lonely states a human being may pass through.

Yous spouse is supposed to be your best friend (my fiance is), the person you share your thoughts with, tell your fears to and even fight with occasionally (or not), knowing that this person accepts you the way you are, no matter what. But then, there are times when you need someone else to share your troubles with, especially when those troubles have to do with you and Dear Spouse. Someone you can rant and rave to because you know or trust that person would remain objective and point out where you are getting it wrong [I cant stand when ANYONE criticizes my man – even if they are right!]

In the US and other western countries, there are professional counsellors for this sort of thing. I mean, in South Africa they have them! If there are any in Nigeria, I am yet to hear of them.

Nigerians are a rather pragmatic lot. In situations like these, we go to the family elders. We hesitate to do this because once it’s brought to the notice of the family elders it becomes serious business. Besides, since the elders are mostly male – ladies, you fill in the blank!

Another option is usually embodied in the phrase Go to your Pastor.This has a 50/50 chance. 50% says he’ll spout spiritual cliches, pat you on the back and send you forth with a solemn sounding “It is well.” The other 50% says he will actually give you useful and practical advice. 99% – he is most likely going to give whatever he gives from a male perspective (hooray for the guys!). [I use ‘he’ because female Pastors are still just a handful in Nigeria]

That leaves the friends (who may or may not be your friends), siblings and other family members. Not Good. They will either take your side and completely vilify your poor spouse or if they like him (or her), they’ll take his side completely and tell you how if you do not get your act together you will lose him to all the Husband-Snatchers prowling out there. sigh

So in the interest of marital bliss, I would like to ask all you married folks – including the not-so-recently married – and those in long term relationships (or if you have an opinion at all):

Who Do You Talk to About Your Spouse?


3 thoughts on “Marital Bliss #2 – The Confidant

  1. Speaking as just one husband, I would say for us as a couple, it’s been other couples my wife and I both respected that have been the most useful and practical source of marital advice. I am not interested in finding another man to “rubber stamp” my opinion…lets’ face it, if my wife goes into a counseling session w/ me feeling the deck is stacked, she is not going to embrace the guys input- even if he is a pastor…if on the other hand, she and I both trust and respect the neutral third party, then we stand a much better chance of actually getting some help. Just as in the New Testament where the older women are called to mentor the younger women, I believe the older couples can very effectively mentor those of you that are younger. We as a couple have had to talk through virtually every major issue you can think of w/ other older/godly couples- every issue….did you get that 😉 EVERY issue. Yes it can be done. your biggest hurdle as a couple will be pride- one of you balking @ the thought of allowing another couple find out you don’t have it all figured out…but you know when the grace comes right?

    1. This is going to be soo hard; mostly because African men… well. Anyway, the Bible says nothing is impossible with God right? So I guess if one prays and prays, anything can happen 🙂

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