A Crisis of Faith: Loneliness

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I can’t explain it, I feel as though I’m losing touch with my faith. No, I still believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and I’m a born-again Christian. But I’m finding it hard to connect with God. Yeah I pray, and read my Bible. But I have felt loneliness surround me like a shroud, blocking all light and joy from my life. As I tried to explain to my fiance, it is not as though something momentous happened which has fostered this feeling of loneliness. I just don’t seem to be myself. I’m in a situation where I am questioning a lot of my beliefs and re-examining my expectations.

There are milestones in every life. Places you get to and you know a major change has taken place inside of youADULTHOOD. Sometimes it is associated with something huge; a tragic loss or a major catastrophe. Other times though, you do not even know when you are passing that milestone until you suddenly realize that you are a great distance from the person you were the week before and you know that you can’t go back to that person no matter how much you want to. Well, I can point almost to the hour, the exact moment when I passed that milestone.

Recently, I became an ‘adult’. Oh I’m almost 28 and most people reach adulthood in their teens. But I still had the lightheartedness of a child, and the mischief too. I never wanted to become an ‘adult’; to get to that place where things are a little grimmer. That point where one is always slightly dissatisfied with her (or his) life. However, I finally crossed the line. I faught valiantly but I had to surrender. I gave up.

I gave up when I discovered that people are never what they say they are or even what you think they are – no matter how long you’ve known them, they go up and do stuff that’s completely out of character. Or is it? That was where I had the difficulty. Then I discovered that people you respect and even honour, people who have added so much value to your life, well, they are not those people you thought they were. It’s all about how thick the smokescreens were…then I began to question those values.

OK. So now I have to ask myself if all I believe about God is as a result of what I came to discover myself or if it’s what these people I’ve modeled part of my life after have led me to believe. That is why I say I have a crisis of faith. I need to sift through and know what belief is mine and which has been handed over either from my home, my peers or my church group.

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9 thoughts on “A Crisis of Faith: Loneliness

  1. Thanks Karin…you have been a wonderful friend. I really appreciate the way you take time out to check on me. God bless you!

  2. The title on this one grabbed my attention….no trite platitudes coming from me on this one. I remember very clearing a time or spiritual doubting..probably just a year or two older than you. We’d moved to New Jersey @ the time so I could pursue classes in biblical counseling..1000 miles from home, newly promoted deacon in a bible church, youth group leader…on the fast track for ministry..and all of a sudden I began questioning some very fundamental things about my faith..different questions than you’re wrestling with..but it shook me to the core.

    In my case, God brought a book into my hands- Faith is not a feeling by Ney Bailey.

    I do have to comment on one thing you said,
    “I Recently, I became an ‘adult’. Oh I’m almost 28 and most people reach adulthood in their teens. But I still had the lightheartedness of a child, and the mischief too. I never wanted to become an ‘adult’; to get to that place where things are a little grimmer. That point where one is always slightly dissatisfied with her (or his) life. However, I finally crossed the line. I faught valiantly but I had to surrender. I gave up.”…

    I’m 51 yr yrs old and still have that lightheartedness of a child,w/ the mischieveousness to match…I’m not nieve when it comes to the inconsistences of people…people will and do let me down…and it is possible to become jaded because of it…but you don’t have to respond that way Sharon…my role model is my mother..she turned 75 this year…she’s looked the grim reaper in the face on one occassion..watched as most of her children(including me) have broke her heart one way or the other…yet she still has the playfulness of a 14 yr old girl..she’s a person of faith..and hey, if mom can still be that way and she’s 24 yrs older than me, then by golly, I’m planning to hang onto that as long as I can.

    You may feel alone but I know at least one person who is rooting for you in the midst of your “sifting”….ME dm

  3. Hi Dm, it’s strange (or maybe not-so-strange) that you should mention that period in your life. I just received your Heart to Heart books (thank you!) and for some reason I cannot explain, I started with the 2nd volume. It has been such a REsource of encouragement.

    I understand what you are saying (my mum is also in her 50s and she is so like a child sometimes). I don’t want to become cynical or lose my joy – to me that is evidence of a life that the Holy Spirit is not very active in. I am praying about this and I really crave your prayers too.

    Thank you for being a ‘protector’. I guess I was a little naive about people. My friends complain about that:
    1. I always look for the good in people and
    2. No one is ever truly ugly to me . .

    I do not want to change that about me regardless of what people think. But it’s becoming such a struggle.

  4. There are great people such as Ghandi or Martin Luther King, Jr. (etc.) who are called to give up that boundary, I think. I think that at some point before they were called to do that, though, they must have learned to care for themselves also

  5. Hey Shaz,

    Strange… i’ve been thinking of you and trying to call you for about a week now, and can never get through to any of your numbers. Did you change them?

    Thats, BTW really. Read your post and really…. i love you girl.

    For your honesty and simplicity and for just being you.

    And you’re right… you do become an adult at the point you look at others and see that they’re not all they say they are.

    No, let me rephrase that. You become an adult when you realize people are not always what they say they are, but you decide to love them anyway.

    God bles you girl… He’s with you.

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