Marital Bliss: Who Do You Talk To?

picture from www.sxc.hu
picture from http://www.sxc.hu

I got a lot of honest, down-to-earth and useful responses from my last Marital Bliss post, responses that reminded me why keeping this blog is definitely worth the effort. With such Counselors, I’ve decided to bring another issue forward (preparing myself mentally and emotionally to enter that state).

  • Who do you talk to about your spouse?

Finding a trustworthy friend to talk to when you are married (or in a long-term relationship) can be tough stuff and sometimes, you end up getting bitten. HARD.

I learnt from watching the married folks around me that marriage, while being one of the most fulfilling and filling experiences in a lifetime, could also be one of the most lonely states a human being may pass through.

Yous spouse is supposed to be your best friend (my fiance is), the person you share your thoughts with, tell your fears to and even fight with occasionally (or not), knowing that this person accepts you the way you are, no matter what. But then, there are times when you need someone else to share your troubles with, especially when those troubles have to do with you and Dear Spouse. Someone you can rant and rave to because you know or trust that person would remain objective and point out where you are getting it wrong [I cant stand when ANYONE criticizes my man – even if they are right!]

In the US and other western countries, there are professional counsellors for this sort of thing. I mean, in South Africa they have them! If there are any in Nigeria, I am yet to hear of them.

Nigerians are a rather pragmatic lot. In situations like these, we go to the family elders. We hesitate to do this because once it’s brought to the notice of the family elders it becomes serious business. Besides, since the elders are mostly male – ladies, you fill in the blank!

Another option is usually embodied in the phrase Go to your Pastor. This has a 50/50 chance. 50% says he’ll spout spiritual cliches, pat you on the back and send you forth with a solemn sounding “It is well.” The other 50% says he will actually give you useful and practical advice. 99% – he is most likely going to give whatever he gives from a male perspective (hooray for the guys!). [I use ‘he’ because female Pastors are still just a handful in Nigeria]

That leaves the friends (who may or may not be your friends), siblings and other family members. Not Good. They will either take your side and completely vilify your poor spouse or if they like him (or her), they’ll take his side completely and tell you how if you do not get your act together you will lose him to all the Husband-Snatchers prowling out there. sigh

So in the interest of marital bliss, I would like to ask all you married folks – including the not-so-recently married – and those in long term relationships (or if you have an opinion at all):

  • Who do you talk to about your spouse?
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5 thoughts on “Marital Bliss: Who Do You Talk To?

  1. Good question!!!

    I have a very close group of friends and I trust them all to share pretty openly. When we talk, I try to avoid details. I give situations and generalities and my feelings. I may relay a conversation, depending on who I’m talking to and the relevance to the help i need. And I try not to give anyone room to vilify H, because when it comes to it,even as silly as he can be, he’s still me, so doggin’ him is doggin’ me.

    I spent a lot of time praying over the women in my life, and asking for women who will love us both enough to be honest and support us in God’s way, which means for me, they need to be able to listen, let me vent, give the advice the Lord would have them give (put their feelings aside) and then SEND ME HOME. And i’ve told them that.As we prepare for marriage, I fully expect that when I want to leave him and the life we’ve built, the people who committed to supporting us (our family and friends) would love us enough to say GO BACK HOME. That’s an expectation I have made clear to all my friends, and the circle of people I trust, or call friend has greatly diminished for that reason…

  2. Funny how an answer can seem so obvious and we still don’t get it; that is what amounts to wisdom I suppose. I’m going to start praying seriously for good God-fearing women that I can go to for advice and just talk. I’ll also remember to tell them that no matter what, they’ve got to tell me to GO BACK HOME!

    Thank you so much Ro. (I was secretly hoping you would comment because I treasure your wisdom).

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