Relationships, Secrets & Forgiveness

I’ve heard it said many times that you cannot really know a person and I’m sure most would agree. Yet it’s funny that when we discover the truth in this, we feel hurt and betrayed. Why is it so easy to get lulled into that false sense of security, believing that we know a person so well? Is it possible to really know another person? I don’t know. But the smurfs3feeling of disillusionment which comes when the scales come down and you finally realise that you don’t know that person as well as you thought you did is very real. That is the thing with relationships, no matter how hard you try you cannot keep from getting hurt. The other side of the coin is also true; no matter how hard you try, you can’t keep from hurting the other person. But you can still try.

One thing which I think really hurts people in personal or intimate relationships is a secret. A secret is like a big, slippery snake which slithers up quietly when you are least aware and bites you in the backside. And the worst part of it is that so many people have secrets. One of my policies is to live my life as openly as I can. My cousin once told me a saying she had read somewhere, it was something like live your life in such a way that you can sell the family parrot to the town gossip. Easier said than done I’m sure. I try as much as possible to come out with anything which might come back later to haunt me. I lost a boyfriend once because of that. Yet even I have secrets…secrets I will definitely go to the grave with.

So how do we handle it when we discover that the people we love, those we were so sure we know inside out are not at all the people we thought they were? How does one even begin to get over that feeling of insecurity that suddenly pervades one on all levels? If anyone knows the answer to that one I’d love to hear it. I am someone who does not have much problem in the forgiveness department; I forgive very easily. Or so I thought. But I’m discovering that forgiveness also means getting over the hurt. I think forgiveness means learning to trust that person again too. I don’t know. I receive this devotional every morning from Crosswalk‘s Girlfriends In God. Today’s topic was ‘Forgive and Forget’ by Mary Southerland. There was a phrase (two actually) that struck me; this is it below:

Part of true forgiveness is releasing the hurt and choosing to let go of the pain!  To truly forgive means that we “quit fishing” in the emotional waters of our past!

Umm, OK. But I keep wondering…What happens when you love someone; can’t live without the person; you even understand why the secrets were kept and hey, you have secrets of your own so who are you to judge and all that… What happens when you tell yourself all that and yet the hurt, well…it’s just there hovering around somehow? What then? What if I don’t need to go fishing in any emotional waters? What if I live in a flooded area or in a place where there is a lot of rainfall? What then? Guess that’s why true forgiveness is a spiritual thing. It’s not something that just happens, it is something we all need help with. It’s simply a grace thing.


4 thoughts on “Relationships, Secrets & Forgiveness

  1. Forgiveness is hard. And if it is someone you love and you wanna keep around – it’s pretty overwhelming, but it is doable. For me, forgiveness for real takes a lot of praying and just continually giving it to God. And over time I realize that what was such a big deal before isn’t so important to me anymore.

  2. Hi Ro, thanks for the comment. Forgiveness is really a God-thing because I don’t think its humanly possible to forgive totally. So prayer seems to be the way. Thanks again.

  3. You know, I’m really inclined to believe that…if forgiveness is a spiritual thing, then ‘hovering hurts’ are spiritual things not purposed by our Father. Even when I thought forgiveness was a wrap, brushed my hands together like I was done…there were times I could still feel the slightest tap of hurt on my shoulder.

    Like Rosheeda said…Over time, with growth, it will move on from lack of attention :)!

  4. Hey Girl! That is so true! It is sometimes hard to not pay attention to those hurts and to quit tending them…but it is possible. Lack of attention is the key – most stuff wither and die from lack of attention. Thanks for stopping by!

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