Last week’s café chat asked about the things we do not pray about. I took a deep breath and decided not to write on that. But yesterday was my birthday; I am 27. As I become a year older, I am forced to look into me and acknowledge the things I have either neglected or refused to pray about. They are many.
There are several reasons why I refused to pray about some stuff that have been bothering me for some time. The primary reason I guess, has been pride. I ask myself why I have to pray about THAT. But a lot of it is not pride…it is resignation. Each year, I have a list of stuff I want to achieve before the year ends; then the year ends and there’s a new list – with the old stuff on it. I guess after a while, I get tired of praying about the same things over and over again.
There are so many things I refuse to pray about – especially concerning my fiancé and I. I really don’t want to get into the details. The problem is that I seem to have some preconceived notions about what our relationship should contain and when I do not see what I’m expecting to see I get disappointed. Now, I was taught to tell God about my disappointments and expectations and I usually do; but when it comes to this I just feel that there are some things I should not have to pray about. If my prayers are answered, I will keep wondering if he would have done those things if I did not ask God to make him. I don’t know if I’m making sense because sometimes I don’t even make sense to myself.
But this year is going to be different … I will pray. I will hold nothing too small to pray about. I think when a person gets a little older pride does not seem much of a companion. I need help and I’m going to ask for it. It does not matter if I have to ask God to get the kind of reaction I would like to get – actually it does matter. But I suppose I can always ask God to make it matter a little less. I read a blog post this morning that really encouraged me; what I took away was that I was not to give up on myself. And I think that is why praying about stuff was hard for me – I think I had given up.
My desire for my life:
Psalm 23 says that He leads me beside still waters…waters that will not ruffle me or drown me. That is what I want this year-peace and fulfillment. To remind myself, I got this wallpaper which is presently on the desktop of my laptop and I would really love to share it with you. Just use the right click button on the image and choose “save image as”, then choose a location on your hard drive and save it. I believe in giving on my birthday; I hope it brings as much joy to you as it does me.