She bent over the cot and gazed at the sleeping baby “sleeping beauty” she cooed “oh she’s so beautiful! How could anyone throw you away sweetheart?” I felt my chest constrict as she went on “and such a beauty too. We’ll have to stop thinking and actually go get that gun hmm? Sweetie pie… those boys will not be able to stay away will they?” and she went on cooing to the sleeping baby for a few more minutes before she turned and sat on the extra chair next to me.
I blinked the tears away from my eyes and bowed my head. I did not know how I was going to bear losing this girl. I felt my mum’s fingers as she lifted my chin and stared into my eyes.
“Baby girl,” she began gently “do you know what you are doing?”
I sighed. It was a question I had repeatedly asked myself and I still could not find an answer. “Ma, I know I only saw this girl for the first time in my life a few days ago, but I love her more than my life!” I said fiercely.
She kept my gaze for a while then nodded and let go of my chin. “You should have been a mother several times over by now.”
“Ma please I really don’t want to talk about that.” I pleaded.
She sighed to show she understood and stretched out her hand to take mine in hers. “What did the Social Welfare people say?” she asked
“Mrs Kalif said that they are looking for a wet nurse for her.”
“After that?” she prodded
“Then they will put her with a foster mother until they can find someone to adopt her.”
“Did you let her know you are interested in adopting the baby?
I nodded “But she said there are a lot of couples who have a stable home life and are desperate to adopt a baby. She said the waiting list is a mile long and I really should not get my hopes up.”
“Oh sweetheart.” She gently squeezed my hand “she is right you know.”
“I know ma, but shouldn’t there be an exception for someone who has first dibs? I found her ma!” I was almost wailing, but I kept my voice down.
“First dibs?” my mum asked with a frown “You do not get first dibs with a human being girl.” She scolded
I sighed “I know ma and I’m sorry. I’m just so discouraged.”
She used her free hand to pat my cheeks “chin up love, you will get through this.”
She was right. Whatever the outcome, I would get through it. But I would give it my best shot.