Cheaters. That’s what has been on my mind for some time now. I know it is too early for me to be thinking about this – I just got married the other day. But I am still thinking about it.
I read on a blog about this girl (unfortunately I can’t remember the blog, but if you do please drop me a line). Anyway, I read about this girl whose aunt advised her about love. She told her she was not to love her husband too much. This is because men will always cheat, but if she did not love him much, she would not get hurt. Most people who commented on that post were scandalised; few actually tried to appreciate where this aunt was coming from. I think her attitude was purely a defense mechanism.
I am of the opinion that western women give up on their men too easily. The average western woman is willing to walk out of decades of marriage because of a single indiscretion from her husband. And I am not talking of a Tiger Woods sized indiscretion. This attitude is patently different from the normal African or Nigerian attitude.
In Nigeria, most women accept that their men will cheat. It is a given. The thing is how to cope with that cheating. I read somewhere that you do not give up a marriage for an affair. Strangely, I always thought that attitude was that of our mothers and not our generation, but I was quickly put to rights about that.
One of my friends actually told me that as long as the man did not stint on the affection and care (financial and emotional) he was giving her, he was free to do whatever?! This attitude really worries me.
I do not think the right way to behave is to discard a man who has had years and years of faithfulness to his credit, just because he failed once. But I still cannot stomach the ‘men will be men’ attitude. You wouldn’t believe I was talking with someone about this and he said that once you give a man what he wants, he will always come back home; that even if he cheated, he would respect his wife enough to keep it far away from her and will always come back to her. My response to that was, if he is so keen on straying, why bother to come back home? These are no longer the days of Little Bo Peep; there are worse things to bring back home that just tails. If he respected me in the first place, why did he stray?
I asked my husband about it and he was a bit evasive. I wanted to know; if a husband knew that his wife was always forgiving, understanding and accepting, was that not a free pass for him to do whatever he felt like doing? Not surprisingly, he did not have an answer for that.
So I decided to bring the question here. I know we have done a marital bliss post this month but here goes..
How often do you have to forgive your man?